Now let us begin a little penance in the USA.
Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Sviatlana Barchan/iStock/Getty Images Plus and Dana Mauer/iStock/Getty Images Plus. |
I have shit to do, so I am not on Twitter (are you really going to make me call it X?) anymore, but I like to check my mentions every once in a while.
The most recent tweet I received was from a fellow Canadian who was displeased with a recent article I wrote about Hillary Clinton, based on their user bio: "For a CND peering in, you have some strong beliefs and private tweets. How about taking part in a true democratic election in the lower 50 states?
Nicely said! As a Canadian with permanent residence in New York, I often find myself in the role of outsider, trying to make sense of whatever you lot are doing down here. College? As expensive as possible.
Deductible? A word—and concept—that never should have come into common parlance. Taxes? Higher than in Ontario, and yet with even fewer services provided. Treading on me? Don’t.
I’m not on Twitter (are you really going to make me call it X?) anymore because I have shit to do, but periodically I like to check my mentions.
The most recent tweet I got was from a fellow Canadian who, based on their user bio, was offended by a recent article I wrote about Hillary Clinton. “For a CND looking in you have some tough opinions and protected tweets … How about participating in a real democracy in the lower 50?”
Good point! As a Canadian with permanent residence in New York, I often find myself in the role of outsider, trying to make sense of whatever you lot are doing down here. College? As expensive as possible.
Deductible? A word—and concept—that never should have come into common parlance. Taxes? Higher than in Ontario, and yet with even fewer services provided. Treading on me? Don’t.
This year will be my fifth Fourth of July on record. I never participate in the festivities—because the beauty of America is that you have the freedom to shit all over it, even on its birthday—but I have developed one annual tradition of sorts. Every July 4, I ask myself the same question: Why didn’t anyone wish me a happy Canada Day?
Yes, it may surprise you to learn that every year, Canada Day is July 1, always a few days before the Fourth of July. But it always goes unacknowledged by every American I meet.
My choice to live in the United States is precisely that: a choice. But it forces me to recognize an unalienable fact, which is that you guys are annoying. America does nearly everything worse, noisier, and, broadly speaking, more.
It hurts more that you forget we are here at all, even more than the American crime of cheese in a can or the way you turn the word "pasta" into a meal.
I demand atonement this Fourth of July, after another Canada Day passed by without even a passing nod. I require you to shame yourself. Be a Canadian for once and accept your apology!
Because it celebrates a nation that is still divided, heavily indebted, and where racial inequality is a massive part of day-to-day existence, America's Independence Day is always met with criticism.
Did you know, though, that July 1st is also associated with fireworks, police drones, cookouts, arguments with conservative family members about the true dangers of right-wing politicians, street fairs, little flags to wave, and a convenient mass forgetting that our nation was once home to a large Indigenous population before we accidentally spread smallpox? Simply put, we do not get into it as much as Americans do.
You believe you created the idea of being jingoistic for a holiday based on colonization and the attempt to eradicate the indigenous population? Please! Since John Cabot destroyed Newfoundland in the 1490s, we have been acting in that manner.
It turns out that my university was named after the person who assisted in the creation of Canada's residential school system. This shameful history is so bad that, in 2022, my alma mater was forced to change its name after all those murdered Indigenous children were discovered buried beneath a school the year before.
I am not making many demands. Just a little recognition that being a collapsing society founded on oppression and genocide is not exclusive to the United States.
Consider serving some chips with ketchup during your July 4th barbecue. Instead of ordering a Bloody Mary, learn how to make a delicious Caesar (salad juice). Something small to serve as a reminder of how much living here resembles home. It is funny that despite not even trying, we have a lot in common.
But you guys make a mean hot dog, so that is something. I adore this place's hot dog culture. I am searching for the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner" on Google and cheering for those bravely streaming ramparts because you have awakened that dog in me. Everybody has a cost.
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